Dear Henry,

I always woke up before you. I don’t know if you noticed or not because I stayed still. I laid there with my hand on your chest. feeling the blood pump in and out of your heart. filling every organ with oxygen and keeping everything together for just one more day. I used to think … Continue reading

love the questions; live everything

pressure, pressure, pressure seems to be the theme of the week i can’t keep up with all these expectations people have of me all the things i need to do for other people all the things i need to do for myself it’s all piling up around me and i feel like i’m drowning i … Continue reading

a matter of imaginary formalities; make a good impression

seconds, minutes, days tick by and it seems as if things are getting better and worse all at once had an appt with a therapist yesterday morning kind of put me in a funk for the rest of the day having someone else confirm what i’ve suspected all along is a hard truth to bear … Continue reading

always unfinished

awake at 2am and here i am, alone with my thoughts.i never thought the first time i visited a mental health facility would be for someone other than me. (perhaps i believe i am crazier than i truly am)still… it was surreal being there for a friendplaces like that, hospitals, that is, are completely sterileyour … Continue reading

figure 8

With everything in my life that I’m messing up and keep messing up, I don’t know what to do anymore. My depression has taken hold of my mind and body and getting rid of my critical thoughts seems to be impossible. My time management is completely off. I don’t know how to get my assignments … Continue reading

like breathing was easy

After hanging out with a guy for a few weeks, I found myself in a relationship with him. Everything was basically perfect. We get each other so well, our weirdness matches so amazingly, and we both have a lot in common with our career ambitions and hobbies we like to pursue. A week and a … Continue reading

california- where dreams are made

the only living boy in new york.

i haven’t written here for over 2 months. so much has changed and yet still so much is the same. i am falling deeper (or was this past week) into my depression. the last time i was this bad was three years ago, my freshman year spring semester. although i’m functioning (mostly), i’m avoiding my … Continue reading

Sweet like Cinnamon

It’s the beginning of the second week of school and I already have so much stuff to do. I have four assignments to shoot for our campus newspaper, along with five classes (2 are online), and work at H&M. I still don’t have a car and it takes forever to get everywhere I need to … Continue reading

play with your conscience

School begins again and everything feels new once more. Different classes, brand new now, will get old by the end of three and a half months. So much has happened since finals week last semester until now and it’s really how crazy how fast everything changes. I’ve been to LA and back. One of my … Continue reading

It’s a grand time to be living

This weekend I’m struggling to keep up with finals and my coursework, my job at the mall, and my job at the campus newspaper. I’m dropping the ball everywhere and all I can manage to do is fuck everything up and make everyone’s life difficult. I don’t know how people manage to balance everything. I’m … Continue reading