love the questions; live everything

pressure, pressure, pressure seems to be the theme of the week
i can’t keep up with all these expectations people have of me
all the things i need to do for other people
all the things i need to do for myself
it’s all piling up around me and i feel like i’m drowning

i can’t focus on anything, can’t concentrate
my mind is a complete mess and i don’t know what to do anymore
it’s full of clutter that shakes around with me all day long
it doesn’t even leave me alone when i sleep

everything keeps getting more and more tangled
and it’s hard for me to see one thing i can fix
i forget what i have to do each day and i’m never sure of where i’m supposed to be

who am i anymore?
what are my goals?
i am unsure of who’s looking back at me in the mirror
where is the young lady who knew what she wanted and how to get it?
or did she ever exist?

the only times i truly ever felt alive was when i was traveling
i’ve been tied down to minnesota for far too long
my soul wants me to travel and see the world
my soul needs me to feed its hunger
but i don’t know how to
i just want some clarity
i need to get back to meditating once more
clear the dust and cobwebs in my head
maybe then new thoughts can grow
and the weeds can be tamed and i can get rid of them finally

i am unsure of a lot of things right now, but i feel i need to be more patient about it all.
i don’t need to know everything right now
this quote from rilke has stuck out in my mind lately:
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

xoxo,
Rococo

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