“Way Back On The Radio Dial, The Fire Got Lit Inside A Bright-Eyed Child”

“Some dreams stay with you forever,
Drag you around but bring you back to where you were
Some dreams keep on gettin’ better,
Gotta keep believin’ if you wanna know for sure

Oh, I can hear em playin’
I can hear the ringin’ of a beat up ol’ guitar
Oh, I can hear em singin’,
“Keep on dreamin’, even if it breaks your heart”
– Even If It Breaks Your Heart by Eli Young Band

I cannot wait until tomorrow is over. I have my last final exam and I am done with summer classes. This morning, I realized my math has been completely wrong about my financials and that means I won’t earn enough money this month to cover my expenses. This has led to a complete stressful meltdown, all before 9am. That magic number, $300 is haunting me now. If I earn $300 more by the end of the month, I could cover everything. It’s not just a matter of saving extra money anymore, it’s a matter of actually needing that money to pay for my bills and my experiences. This means, it’s now or never to make my hobbies profitable. Even just finding a way to earn an extra $50 besides working more hours at my job would be a huge motivational boost.

This morning I was having trouble being present in my English class and I know this was directly related to my stress about financials. I need to remember to always be present because you can’t live a moment twice. I’ve had a problem with my attention and how disciplined I am with staying focused lately. I don’t know what it is, but I seem to have a million and one thoughts but no focused energy to actually think them through; they’re quite fleeting and distract me from my priorities. For instance, although I am sitting here in Starbucks writing this post, it is a distraction from what I need to really be doing; studying for my English final tomorrow morning, for which I am extremely stressed because we’ve read so much in two months and I feel like am going to forget everything once the exam is in front of me.

After my English class, walking to run another errand, I realized that no matter how stressed I feel in the present moment, that won’t change my circumstances. And when I am in a panicked state, I can’t think of solutions to solve my problems clearly. It’s like that quote saying, “You Can’t Solve a Problem with the Same Mind That Created It.” Which I believe is very true. You need to think creatively and get some distance from the problem to find an interesting and worthwhile solution. My stress wasn’t going to help me solve the problem, but just keep me from enjoying the present moment.

I also realized that my frustrations weren’t about having bills or experiences I need to pay for, but I was frustrated with myself that I didn’t prepare enough for this situation. I didn’t save enough money all summer to take care of my responsibilities.

This isn’t even the first time that I’ve had to deal with financial difficulties with figuring out how to pay for school and my sorority. And then I recalled another life lesson story that I’ve heard; that you will keep living through certain situations until you learn from them. And now, I realize that if I don’t figure out how to budget my money and increase my income now, I will keep going through these situations that cause stress. And that’s no fun to live through at all.

So, although this wasn’t the easiest, most comfortable day I’ve lived, it has certainly taught me lessons that I need to get my shit together to move on to better things in life. It was a beautiful day and on my drive home I was able to actually enjoy the sunshine for what it was rather than be bogged down with stressful thoughts. I got to visit my brother and I finished my last lab for my science class, which it felt good to officially finish it. I also got a better score on my science final exam than I thought I would and that feels like another accomplishment to tick off my list and be proud about. Having to take science classes when you’re obviously an art/English/fashion major is no easy task.

I have also decided that August will be another month of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), which is typically done in November. Every day in August, I am planning on writing between 1612-1667 words each day to reach a goal of a 50,000 word novel. That’s the simple math of NaNoWriMo. I am deciding to do this by myself, on my own, just because August is my favorite month and things are slowing down just a little bit. I need to go find an internship and a volunteer opportunity while trying to make some extra money and further my blogging (here and on the fashion one I want to start). I also am working out more which helps me clear my mind, become healthier and lose weight. I have a lot of goals to work on before school begins again in September.

But for right now, it’s August; my favorite month of the year. And I plan on enjoying it as much as I can because I love sunshine and living my life to the fullest.

What are you goals for the month of August?



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