“Show Me Everything I Might Miss”

“We should take a walk someday
Dream about what we could’ve been
But I don’t wanna leave this place
No faith in Brooklyn

If I move out one day
It will make me a better man
But I don’t wanna leave this place
No faith in Brooklyn”
-No Faith In Brooklyn by Hoodie Allen

Last night I found myself in a bizarrely awkward social situation when a guy that I’ve hung out with a few times before at bars with other friends was acting strange. I couldn’t tell if he was acting this way because he was pretty wasted or what was going on with him, but he was being extremely rude, disrespectful and kept walking away from our group without any warning or explanation. It was frustrating because this one guy is usually fun to hang out with and he was ruining everyone’s night. He was testing everyone’s patience. At a college campus with a group of people you go out with, there’s this unsaid social pact you make with one another that while everyone is out and drinking, you mostly try to stay together and watch out for everyone else in turns, making sure everyone’s generally safe and others do the same for you. It’s especially important while drinking because of how judgments get impaired and while you may think you have a brilliant idea to do something, hopefully your friends have enough sense to take care of you and vice versa.

So, this guy was being ridiculous and we were trying to keep an eye on him and at one point tried to get him to go home, which didn’t really work out at that time. He was very argumentative with everyone around and not caring how his actions were affecting anyone else. He finally went home later that night and I woke up thinking about this situation and what it reminded me of.

Which is the fact that we can’t control anyone and we can’t change who each person is. Trying to change someone will only end in frustration and disappointment. I meditated on a while and realized that the way he acted was complete bullshit. And this made me think about how the things we tolerate in our life will keep coming up in our life. I was faced with a choice of trying to be understanding and compassionate or to let this relationship with this person end. There’s a balance between being understanding and keeping bullshit out of your life. And it’s important to cultivate the wisdom to know the difference between the two.

If a relationship isn’t working towards making you a better person, it’s better to follow a practice of detachment and let it go. You have to think better of yourself to raise your standards. The only thing you are 100% responsible for are your actions and reactions to life’s situations. Sometimes, people are just assholes and you have to walk away and let them be. Don’t be upset at things you can’t control. Just live and let life flow on. That’s all you can do. Or find yourself a new situation to be in that empowers you more.

You don’t have to tolerate anything of you choose not to. Engage with the best in life; what truly makes your soul happy. Don’t wait for others to change, accept them for who thy are and let go of expectations to always be pleasantly surprised.

In the end, I decided that I was going to let this relationship go and avoid any social situations involving this individual. That is, unless he apologized for his actions, in which case, I would give him a second chance. I also didn’t want to force any apology to make it work, so I decided to detach from the situation and see what would happen. Fortunately, I received an apology from this guy this morning so hopefully the next time I see him, he will act like a better person. I look for and believe in the best in people but I am not afraid to let go of a relationship that is not deserving of my time and attention.

Have you ever had a situation like this in which you had to deal with a conflicting relationship? How did you resolve it?



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