“I don’t wanna work forever, I just wanna sleep forever”

“I just want to sleep forever
Never see tomorrow
Or lead or follow
I don’t want to work forever
Know what I know
Or beg or borrow”
– Sleep Forever by Portugal. The Man

#np: Portugal. The Man, Anberlin

No matter how far I run away,
I can never get away from myself.
It’s one of those days that everything seems difficult.
There are people loud outside my window
A party going on downstairs
I don’t want to text or talk to anyone
I just feel alone but I can’t do anything about it
Work tomorrow.  (9am-1pm)
Then A’s housewarming party. (6:30pm)
N said he’d go with me, so I’m happy to hang out with him.
I don’t know why it’s hard for me to leave home.
I’m always drawn back there.
I like being around my family.
I have a better relationship with my parents and my brother now.
I still feel like I have to fix everything.

How can I become someone new if I can’t be that person today?
If I’ll never change, then things will never change.
I want my life back. I want my carefree ways back.
But I’m scared. Of what? Hell if I know.
I’m scared of rejection.
Because I’m still not completely in love with myself.
I don’t believe in myself yet.
And why?
Because I don’t do anything to deserve it.
I just need one step, one little step forward,
but it’s hard to make that move without a belief.

Boring is safe. I’m tired of safe and boring.
“Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.”

xoxo,
Rococo

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