“Call your girlfriend. It’s time you had the talk.”

“Give your reasons
Say it’s not her fault
But you,
Just met someone new.

And now,
It’s gonna be me and you.”
– Call Your Girlfriend – Robyn

So, Saturday night I watched Pineapple Express & texted N until 1am because I couldn’t sleep.
To me, the convo wasn’t awkward at all, but it still feels like we’re holding back what we really want to say.
I wish he had time so we could sit down and talk about everything.
I kind of feel like he doesn’t want to. Like, he could make time if he wanted.
I don’t know if it’s because he wants to end this or because he’s still upset over it.
I can’t tell and I can’t stand not knowing.
I keep asking him to hang out,
I hope I’m not being too obnoxious, it’s not like I even bring it up every time we talk
Or that we even talk every day.
I asked last Weds, last Fri, and I just asked him again, but he hasn’t responded yet.
He might not have time this week because he’s going to Sonshine.
Some christian music festival. Whatever.
I just hope that by me keep bringing it up, it’s showing that I don’t want to give up on us.
That I’m willing to get through this.
I just want this, us, to work out.

Anyways, I worked 9:30-1:40 and took a 15 minute nap.
Showered and went off to Warped Tour at Canterbury Park with some people from CAA (compassionate action for animals) so we could leaflet and hand out vegan pamphlets.
It was such a great experience.
I felt like I was really making a difference.
We leafleted with some guys who were following Warped Tour around to pass out these flyers.
They were  members of the Humane League and Vegan Outreach.
We ended up handing out about 9000+ flyers.
There were 3 other people from CAA and 4 guys from the Humane League.
Some were interning and one was volunteering.
It was great having something in common and working toward something that really matters to me.
Everyone was vegan, minus one guy who just became vegetarian 3 months ago and started volunteering with CAA two weeks ago.
Everyone was super chill and really awesome.
Leafleting and getting the message out there is such a great thing to be able to do.
It’s one of the best ways of conversion and that’s really important.
A lot of these issues aren’t really talked about in society because there’s such a profit in the meat industry.
It’s sad, really.
But, anyways, it was great to be outside in the sunshine, working alongside people who believe in making a difference in the world and feeling like we actually made an impact on at least some people who took a pamphlet.
After Warped was over, we all went to Pizza Luce for some delicious vegan pizza.
It was the perfect ending to the night.
Also having a severe thunderstorm in the twin cities was kind of awesome too.
We got to chill out and talk about ourselves. Those 7 people who were strangers when I met them, were such good people and I felt like we were a little family at least for one night.
Kind of crazy, this world of ours. Also how you can meet people one day, not knowing if you’ll ever see them again, but knowing they made an impact on your life in a small way and inspired you to keep striving to be a better person.
I want to be that inspiration for others.
I used to be uncomfortable when people asked me about myself, like I didn’t have anything good to say, but I am who I am and if I can’t be confident and believe in myself, who will?
Learning confidence is hard, but it means so much.
It means giving up negative energy that’s wasted on being self-conscious and being able to truly live in the present moment, learn and connect with other people.
Who I am, right now, is good enough. There’s no more pressure to be amazing before I have a life or before I feel like I’m good enough to talk to other people.
I’m amazing as I am and I just need to work on making my life amazing by living my dreams and inspiring others.

I am so much more stronger and wiser than I was a year ago and this last year and a half has taught me so much more about myself and about what I believe in than anything else.
I can honestly say that I love my life.

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
-Winston Churchill

I feel whole, complete, completely at ease, content, happy and ready for whatever life has to throw my way. I feel love throughout my bones and being.

xoxo Rococo

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