The Weatherman Lied, It’s Just a Duststorm

The universe always asks me, what do you want?
I never know the answer, but I know it already knows.
It’s just waiting for me to discover it for myself.

I’m still sick, but feeling a bit better.
At least, better enough to think clearly.
I have been thinking about everything lately.

I feel like I’ve been sleep-walking through life.
I feel like I’ve wasted two years of my life.

I feel as though my being sick is a wake up call.
I need to start living my life with intention.
I need to set goals and achieve them.
I need to start working on my dreams again.
I need to stop complaining
and get to work on getting my life back together.

Negative thoughts need to be banished permanently.
And I need to focus on positivity.
I want to be happy and to become the person I was meant to be.
I need to live on purpose, not just survive.

N complimented me yesterday, said I was “pretty impressive.”
From our conversation, I’m now pretty sure he likes me.
Sometimes, I think I want this.
Other times, I wonder why.
I can’t help wondering what’s going to happen in August when I leave for Italy.
And then I wonder if this is even anything.
Or if it’s going to be something.
And then I wonder if I really want this.
My over-analyzing brain never takes a break.
These thoughts never stop.

I can only take it one day at a time, one moment at a time.
And hope it works out for the best.
This is my life.
And I’m going to live it how I want.
I have to stop forgetting that.

Peace & Love
Apples & Doves

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