It’s lonely at the top….

And the bottom.
Sometimes I wish I could get away.
Social expectations are sometimes too much.
I’m not that into partying right now.
I just want to be left alone.
Why do I feel the need to be around people to feel normal?
Why can’t I be okay not hanging out all the time?

Frustrated with my phone because it won’t work.
And I can’t delete my messages so it will work.
It’s like a catch-22.
I don’t really understand that phrase because I’ve never read that book.
I think I should.

Might get to see my boy tonight.
Although I’m having doubts because I’m not pretty/skinny enough.
I really need to lose 40 lbs.
I want to be at 100 and then I could be perfect.
I haven’t been able to really lose anything this summer
(well it seems that way even though I don’t know for sure because I don’t have a scale)
Because I eat too much.
Even though I exercise at least every other day, sometimes more.
I just don’t know what to do.
I’m exhausted and tired.
I mentally wear myself out everyday.

I want something new but I don’t know what.
I just want to travel and write and live life and have experiences.
I don’t know if I still want to go to school.
I don’t know if I still want to stay in my sorority.
There are a lot of changes and shifts lately.
I’m really feeling it, but I don’t know what it’s going to bring.
I’m trying to figure out what’s best for me.
But it’s hard, because I don’t know what the universe wants out of me.
I don’t know what gifts I need to share.
Everything seems so complicated, but really, I’m sure it’s just me.

I just want to do everything.

The ache in my heart is from trying to love too much.

I wish I loved myself more.


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