It’s finally… spring?

It’s the first day of spring tomorrow, or today in five minutes.
The transition period between the cold, harsh winter and the loving sunshine.
It’s a time for rebirth, renewal and regrowth.
Shed old skin, old ideas, old, stale states and grow into something better.
The snow is still on the ground which is why I was surprised that it began to rain tonight.
A few raindrops, a dash of lightening here and there followed by an upheaval of more rain.
This is all fitting though, I suppose.
Rain, quite symbolically, represents a fresh new beginning.
So here’s to this unknown, raw, radical beginning.
Cheers to being able to begin anew, the ability to decide how your life is, and who’s part of it.
Tomorrow is also the last day of my “spring break.”
Otherwise known as a week off from university classes.
It’s been nice to not worry for a while about… well, everything.
I mean, there’s friends & drama, figuring out what to major in, what about a job & internships, what do you want to do with your life?, unanswered questions and finding your true life purpose, and what about love, family, is this what you really want?, how do you know what you want? and so many more that contribute everyday to my anxiety over making decisions.
I just want to know, how do I know this is the right decision? There’s no way to know for certain.
What’s real? What’s life? Who am I? Where are we? and the mother of all questions: WHY??
These questions shadow me twentyfour/seven and I don’t know what to do about it all, so for a week, it’s been nice to let go of all expectations.
But a week with my parents & I’m ready to get back to the reality that I know & love.
All this rambling and I’m still not sure what I’m trying to say.
But I know this, I’m torn between wanting to go back to university and wanting to stay here. Having to be uprooted from each place is quite hard, I wish I could stay in one place. I know that the twin cities has infinitely more opportunities for me and I know I can’t stay at my parents’ house forever. So my only option is to stop coming back here. So I’ve made a decision to stay in the twin cities over summer. I just need to figure out how because I need money for rent.
The rain is quite refreshing & sometimes it’s nice to think about the meaning of things instead of not noticing the little details, which happens all too often.

yeah, yeah, i’m done rambling now :)

xoxo Rococo


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